Elena Sikirich with members of the Living Forces. On the "tests" before 2000

September 25, 1999. Transcription of audio recording

[...] In the New Acropolis there is a kind of acropolitan courtesy, which is part of the official decree and also, if you look at schools in the West for example, is part of what is in the blood — in particular the behavior of students in certain situations. Since Delia will arrive soon, and in any case it would be good to know... The rules of acropolitan courtesy are as follows. If an MN (pronounced "em-en," "national leader") or a high‑rank sekirich is in the room, people do not sit while that person is standing. They only sit down after the MN or sekirich has sat. They light a cigarette only after he lights his. If the MN is in the room, people in terms of behavior align themselves with him. He stands — everyone stands; he sits — everyone sits. If everyone is seated at the same table, no one begins to eat before him. If you need to leave before him, you must ask permission. I ask you very much, especially when Delia comes, to try to apply this a little, and in other situations as well. Pay respect, not personally to the person, but to what that person represents. Pay attention to this during retreats, at meetings, in cafés, in the smoking room, etc. We will run a block of classes, a skill course in courtesy — there are many beautiful moments. There is a courtesy manual that HAL wrote. To learn this new state of soul plus the nobility that manifests even through such small details.

Now let us move on to our topic. Today’s lecture is a continuation of the momentum that was spoken about at the general lecture for members. I would like to speak heart to heart today — we haven’t met in a long time. But we are unfortunately limited by time and by matters I will talk about later. So. I know that we do not particularly need to be inspired. I very much hope that part of the inspiration for the LF (pronounced "zh-es," "Living Forces") came from the general lecture. Even though I addressed members, I tried hard to include moments that the LF could understand in their own way, to rethink anew. Moments that could prepare the ground for the LF for today’s meeting. If that inspiration did not come, I hope it will arrive as we try to embody what we discuss in the lecture. We will do our utmost so that now and henceforth, especially until the year 2000, the entire school lives under one impulse of unity in all the senses I spoke about at the general lecture.

We need to address many concrete points so that this unity will be felt not only in words but also in deeds, and in a sense we will perhaps face the most difficult — and perhaps the easiest — task: to set an example of unity. For unity to come from above, unity in actions, in impulses, in dreams, in mutual understanding, unity on the same wavelength, in purity of soul, in those qualities we strive to awaken, and so that members have someone to look to and to emulate.

The impulse of unity did not begin at the general lecture for members; it had already begun at the LF retreat in summer and was felt very strongly at the first retreat of the National Council leaders.

I know that some of what I will say today may provoke conflicting reactions, perhaps a little envy — "why weren’t we invited" — but at the risk of that, I would like to say what we shared afterward: we worked on the impulse of unity, tried to identify the school’s tasks up to 2000, returned to the origins, tried once more to become aware of what inspires us, where we should go, what is expected of us in the next millennium, tried again to feel what we should later convey to you. And through these moments new ideas were born, many still raw but very concrete, very useful, giving impetus. When at the end of the leaders’ retreat we toasted to what would be, in a sense we felt you all nearby and regretted that you were not there, because we wanted to convey everything immediately. It sounded as if, for a moment, everyone’s state of soul touched that magical island we dream about. And indeed there was a special state, as if there were no boundaries of space and time, when in a short time it became clear that we would break through and everything would be done. But when Monday began immediately after the leaders’ retreat, it hit hard. As if someone kicked us off the island, because problems began to reveal themselves that we had not realized or discussed at the retreat, but which clearly stood before us. Throughout Monday people approached me: "Can I have five minutes?" — I already knew that there would be the statement of another problem, one that had been so well forgotten during the retreat. In short, we plunged into all the problems. On the one hand it was very hard, on the other hand it was very easy, because despite this we did not lose the inspiration that had been there.

I promise you that we will renew those magical moments before 2000. I would like briefly to convey some points I spoke about at the leaders’ retreat so that we really know where to steer and what to do next, especially in the context of the impulse of unity.

First, we spoke about the tasks of the school, especially the Russian school. And I do not know how clearly you can imagine this — we spoke specifically about the year 2000. The famous exam. I even spoke more concretely about it at the general lecture. And I spoke not so much about the exam itself as about what we must do in order to pass it. And a clear image became outlined that we later spoke of a great deal. This image we called the image of the nursery.

Because we began "from the occult apex," we recalled how HAL was given the task — to do everything in his power so that the school would contribute to the impulse of the 6th subrace of the 5th root race. To do all he could. And he received this task very concretely. He knew the criteria of that impulse. We spoke about this in lectures: love, brotherhood, the synthesis of science and art, connection with the sky, a new mysticism. We remembered and felt pity for poor HAL. One small detail: he was given a task but not an instruction on how to accomplish it — through which forms, which models. And we said that part of his test would be to find appropriate forms for the ideas he would have to implement. To contribute to the birth of the 6th subrace of the 5th race. Moreover, that contribution should be not only substantial but, if possible, that the main central ideas should be such and such. There should be a certain state of soul. It must lead to a new science, a new art, a new mysticism, a new approach to God, to people, to the state of knight and lady. Those were the guidelines. How to do it, through which forms? Yes, the philosophical school is advised. This is your test.

Recalling this, we remembered that practically all acropolitan schools continued HAL’s work in this difficult endeavor. Because each of them, including us, received the task of developing a model of something within the common impulse. Each gives birth, fights a way, finds forms for one part of the common mosaic, which is known only to HAL, Delia and God. We still cannot understand it.

[...] In Russia the idea of the nursery is very clearly visible. That each school is a kind of nursery. And some models, the most beautiful dreams, are first tried on us and through us. Then only God knows whether they will be useful to all. Everything depends on how well this model has been tested on us. What kind of nursery do you think we have here now? What is being tested on us? How far must we go? What must be pierced? What must be born? What must be invented? What idea? What was born thanks to our dreams, our efforts, our inspirations? What exceeded the plans we had at the beginning of the school? This is the Serapeum. Other schools also have their ideas born from dreams and plans. [...] How do those who look down on us reason? Starting with Delia and ending with invisible beings, HAL, etc.?

The year 2000 is coming. Does a member of the LF know the basic criteria? Have they become part of his life? So they watch how an LF member — a future knight or lady, or a current knight or lady — behaves when ill? Or within the family? Or in his division? Or when filling out the step charts? Or when fighting his shortcomings? Here the criterion works conversely. If an LF behaves like a person who is almost on the student path, having such criteria, such ideals and aspirations, then what can be expected of others who do not have them? And in this sense the LF is largely a model. On the basis of which are built those plans and models that will be given to ordinary people later, ordinary in the good sense of the word. That is what matters.

And if I explain again what I said to members at the lecture — now I explain more openly to the LF — what does the 2000 exam consist of? In 2000 the whole Acropolis, each acropolitan school separately as part of this chain, each LF member individually and each student individually will be scrutinized. To sum up everything the school as a whole did, everything each school within the Acropolis did, everything each group within the school did — a direction, a manipula, the LF, etc. Has it manifested? Has it been overcome? Have states, actions, forms, models been manifested that could already serve as an example for all? At this moment? That is the problem. As an example upon which later will be created something for all humanity. That is the nursery problem. In a nursery, ecology, help me please, one small isolated place is chosen, and then it is tried on one soil, on another, on a third, to see whether the same seed will give the same result. That is the task.

And therefore — the impulse of unity. I am moving to more specific points. If they examine examples and models — and this is our task and duty — then elementary directions and elementary things must be addressed. So we must unite, make efforts, identify things in which we can give an example, and do this before 2000. Manifest them at an elementary level. In short, so I do not chew it for you.

If everyone pulls in their own direction now, it will be very bad. Because the work will not be done. Unity cannot be achieved by command. Everyone must be under the same impulse. If it is absent, let it be born. Or let them find a person who is clearly under the impulse. Let them latch onto him — his skirt, pants, jacket, etc. And every time their impulse dries up, does not warm them, they do not understand, they will look into his eyes. If that does not help, tell him, "give me an impulse, please, or Lena will kill me!" But there must be no more sleeping. One must become inspired, but not in the way we usually inspired ourselves abstractly. One must be inspired very concretely. Feeling that we all live by the things that inspire us and help each other to feel that impulse.

At the members’ lecture I said that at moments like the year 2000 there is something called wave and impulse. Do you know what that is? You were at the lecture? Concrete example: right now I am fighting the wave — we are simply trying to hold on, everyone tired, end of the week. And I fight the wave so that at least something reaches you, and I try to awaken the impulse in myself and in you so that the wave turns into desire, an elementary intuitive feeling of something new.

The task: to be under the impulse — in what exactly I will say later — to turn a new page in our approaches, in our directions, in our forms... To start anew. Be reborn. To understand that what was before was very good — we are not saying it was bad — but that it is no longer suitable, that many forms are outdated, and that now, while the energy is given — there are 98 days left for this — we must quickly see in what ways this new page can be turned before it is too late! Both individually and collectively.

Therefore, understand me correctly: I cannot speak about turning a new page in the LF, in the manipulas, in the directions, in work with members, in the first cycle when new people come, in the temple, when my people are asleep, i.e., under the old impulse! I cannot! Therefore a huge request: in the second part of the meeting we will need to discuss this. We must, by all means, unite in the impulse, support each other, give, charge, ignite ourselves, break ourselves in many ways, so we become conduits of the same thing.

And in this sense I think that in the hearts of many — I am looking now, thank you, no one is asleep, I see many are already generating ideas — one says: listen, in my personal life I must accomplish this and that before 2000. Another says: here, spinning, reading: oh, the direction needs... maybe through this? A third says, reading: what should I do with passive members who need to be called, are they part of the impulse or not? The fifth says: oh, in the manipula of the one I wanted to hit in the eye, I’ll go and hug him! And another: listen, is hitting in the eye part of the impulse or not? Another says: oh, I have so much, I need to redo this, that, that... And then he hears the chief’s voice: in such a row, wake up! It’s already spinning. Not everyone. If it were spinning simultaneously in everyone on their matters, that would already be an impulse of unity: in school matters, directions, levels, apprenticeship... If everyone had it, it would mean that the LF at this very second would be united in one upward impulse and would catch the same archetypes. And that would mean that the ideas that have vaguely come to each person now, in their school and personal matters, would have the character of the council of destiny, as this impulse breaks through further.

[After recess] Thank you for coming on time, albeit two minutes late. I just want to remind you that in the context of the impulse we talked about, it would be good to return to what you already began to get used to during the "skills" block, so that everything starts and everyone gathers at the time specified, not waiting for each other. This too, in a sense, shows this impulse of unity.

Before I speak with you about concrete points, let me repeat once more. Repetition is the mother of wisdom. You see, a new impulse: not of teaching, but of wisdom. We are slowly making inroads, changing the proverbs.

A little more about the wave and the impulse in the context of the LF and in the context of what must now, simply must, be broken through anew before 2000. I do not want to inspire you so that you think everything is under impulse now and that until 2000 everything will go smoothly, beautifully, well — that we will all go now and everyone will understand, and there will be no difficulties... The transition from the leaders’ meeting to everyday life and problems taught us a good lesson: whatever island you visit, the island lasts a moment, a second; it is a state that shows that when you move away from it, you must return to it time and time again. We have not yet earned the right to be on the island completely and entirely, otherwise we would not be here.

So again I remind you. Any impulse on any level, in any business, small or large, begins with a wave. With difficulties, with the struggle against difficulties that intensify more than ever before the impulse. Problems and difficulties intensify more than ever before. Everything that tormented us before. All the shortcomings, all the blunders, all the little failings that more or less passed, we fought them one way or another. Everything concentrates before the impulse on one face, one collective or one individual. In such a strong form that you do not even have time to react, to catch your breath. The only thing running through your head is: I’m falling! It’s hard. That is how an impulse begins. Terrible, formidable. I can’t! Ideals are ideals, but when I see what happens to me or around me, what problems — oh, one must simply endure them.

The main thing we must understand before 2000 is that we must not stop at that "endure." Now all our little faults are surfacing. And they will surface strongly so they can be resolved quickly. And be careful! If we are in this struggle in a way that allows them to sweep us away, so that they exert such influence on us that things get worse. That our affairs get worse, our mood gets worse. If we remain in the state of the crucified Christ, walking and saying: don’t touch me, I have a wave! If you do that, I’ll fall! I’m barely holding on! Don’t flash in front of me! I have no balance! Don’t suggest anything else! See, I’m barely holding on! Help! Falling! Or — everything is bad! This is so terrible, so awful! Let’s do something! What is this? We start doing things, impossible. And I sit and rest because it’s unreal, because it’s so scary, so terrible, such a panic.

I beg you not to avoid the wave. Waves cannot be avoided, the leadership retreat showed. But react to it appropriately. Do not panic. Do not increase the severity, which is already great. Do not roll into hysteria. Do not give ground for increased doubts, crises, sad‑depressive states of soul that glue one to the spot. Do not give ground for despondency. Do not give ground to fall into despair and hopelessness because you see how far the dream is from reality. Do not give ground for being in an internal spasm during struggles, unable to smile or joke. See that there are other solutions, other possibilities. Do not give ground for the wave to take control of us.

Therefore, the impulse comes if the wave is withstood, but it is withstood naturally, with great humor and with deep conviction that it is hard now, but it will not be so later; it will pass. Not even faith, but conviction that you only need to go through to the end of the tunnel; there is a little left, and the worst thing is to stop in that tunnel where there is no light and no visible exit. You must run toward the exit as quickly as you know how and then an impulse will be born.

The impulse will not be born from my words today. It will be born when each of you, when facing a real difficult situation... As I told you, if someone wants to hit another in the eye and finds the strength to embrace that person instead, and then explain why he wanted to hit him. And when, embracing, they say: listen, this is such nonsense! Let’s hold hands, let’s talk, now there is no time, about what concerns us together in the school, in the family, etc., what we can do together... That is how the impulse is born. When, in one state or another — the more severe it is, the more fertile the ground for this — in that heavy state you overcome something that is not obvious and less probable — mood, thoughts, crises, inertia. A step forward. You begin to generate ideas, even stupid ones, but you did not generate them before. So something a little new appears that did not exist before. Then this impulse not only fills the soul, not only relieves all fatigue, not only gives wings, but opens real new possibilities. New ideas come about exactly what can be done, and very concrete, not abstract. And further, dreams come. You see a perspective, you know where to go, and most importantly you turn fate, you change fate, you change the course of events that would have gone in a completely different direction if you had preserved your doubts, or hit someone in the eye, or not come to an LF meeting or manipula, or not approached such and such a member. Fate would have gone in a completely different direction.

And if we manage by 2000 to outline concrete tasks, individual and collective, where fate was going in one direction and usually away from the axis, the core — and if through them, through our approaches, thoughts, dreams, ideals and attempts, we succeed in turning some things within the school, in our personal lives, inside ourselves, so that they finally and irreversibly go in another direction, more upward and closer to the archetypes, closer to God, then our task will be accomplished. That is what I wanted to say again when I said that repetition is not the mother of learning but of wisdom.

And imagine: some abstract threshold of the year 2000 where invisible, unfamiliar faces are waiting for us. First upstairs. I will speak about those downstairs later, with a smile. You know how parents wait for a child learning to walk and say, "here, here, here." And when he comes, does not turn right or left, does not fall but arrives, they embrace him and say, "well done, and now I give you another task." Imagine that. Although no one works for a reward, imagine what the one reward would be, although it is not demanded or asked for. Someone now calls and says "here! careful, you are turning left, you are turning right, it is cold, it is hot." And you hear and in your efforts try to get closer. I am not saying it gives the forms we dreamed of. When 2000 passes, they may say, "thank God, now we will let others follow your path." That is what I mean by opening a new path.

And I, unfortunately or fortunately, cannot advise each of you on how to try to open a new page individually. Fortunately, because you are, thank God, sufficiently mature pupils so that each knows what he must at least attempt to change before 2000, even if it does not succeed. Each has shortcomings that are already part of this wave, sometimes up to the neck. I know about myself, so obviously we are communicating vessels, you have them too if I have them. Each person has certain situations, certain thoughts and conclusions that he knows must be turned in another direction but lacks the strength to turn them. So I leave this to you and your conscience — and to God, to guardian angels, to the teacher who will guide you to 2000, because that is also part of the impulse of unity. Although we will try to work on this in the LF.

Nor can I, nor do I have the right, even if I could, to tell each of you from the standpoint of the student path which moments must be started anew. The real student path in the school called New Acropolis, in the LF, in a manipula with its name, its direction, its attitude. Because all the forms you go through in the school are forms in which you are also tested for apprenticeship. Each of you is sufficiently honest, kind, pure, sincere in the depths of your heart that you already know — I read again — thoughts are already running in parallel for everyone where to press, what to reconsider anew, where to move anew. How united we will be in this impulse time will show. I hope we will be united.

But let us today dream a little, literally dream, and agree on things that concern the school itself. Where we must go anew as a school. Some things have already been generated; some I ask you to supplement in the directions, in the manipulas, in the councils, because much must now be finished to see together where the school must begin anew, break new ground, open a new page, so that we are not sucked back.

And before I share specifics, one last thing. Much depends on how we arrive at 2000, both as a school and as the LF, and what traces will remain behind us. I do not know what, but I know it is a lot. The fate of many people who will just start coming to the school in October. The fate of people who are not yet ready to come to the school. Who will come in a year, two, three. The fate of our children’s children depends, in a hundred, two hundred, three hundred years. And believe me, this is not just a pretty pedagogical phrase.

And how we — I mean not only the Russian school but the entire Acropolis — pass through the doors of 2000 affects, in a sense, the peace of mind of those above who are responsible for us. As an Acropolis we were given a certain task. The peace of mind of a teacher who knows that much depends on his pupils. And that his pupils must reach that much themselves. The peace of a teacher who says to some of his teachers: "It’s not too early, I tell you, not too early! Otherwise people will completely disappear! Let’s try! I guarantee there are good people; they can, they have strength!" And who will come before them after 2000 and say either "you were right," or "see, it was worth it!"

Much hinges on this impulse, both below and above, a long chain with no end either below or above. We are small, and thank God we do not understand and are not told anything. But at the moment — it has not been said for a long time — from these small ones — I mean not only the Russian school but the entire Acropolis — the fate of the ring depends, whether it will or will not be thrown into the abyss of fate.

Believe me, I am telling you much more now than I told the leaders at the meeting. And please, do not try to understand or to catch what I mean. Maybe I do not know myself. Frodo is, was, and will be Frodo. If he had not managed to throw the ring into the abyss of fate, he would not have been Frodo. Much would not have been.

What is consoling, gives hope and comfort now — apart from the fact that, thank God, we know nothing — is that Acropolis Frodos are not required to do something terribly difficult. Otherwise reaching the abyss of fate would be much harder. In the real history of the Lord of the Rings many great, beautiful, unknown to us, by their sacrifice tried to distract the dangers from Frodo. God knows they had it harder than us. Frodo, real, a small mouse from the tale of the turnip, has a real task. While others are really fighting, he is small, unnoticed. Hiding, running, overcoming, breaking through, experiencing certain states, reaching the goal. So all I say today is to give impetus. Not only for the new academic year but, fortunately or unfortunately, for the new century and the new millennium. The small victories we talked about today that will be needed will be Frodo’s victories in the great battle of the great brotherhood of rings. Which we have no idea about. And we will not have an idea, I think, until the second, third, fourth, fifth of our lives, when it becomes completely clear that the danger has passed.

And so, I beg you, remembering the middle, the beginning and the end of our summer retreat once again. Many things we consider problems are actually foolishness. Many people we consider problems are so because we have not sorted out the foolishness inside ourselves. Many tasks seem problematic because we have not yet realized the necessity of carrying them out. I BEG YOU, do not complicate life for yourselves, for others, for your chiefs, nor for me. Nor consequently for HAL, Delia, or those who observe us. I beg you!

You and I have many shortcomings. But we have one virtue — each of us has a kind heart. We are not vindictive, that is, we should not be. We do not cling to this or that offense. We know how to forgive. We know how to believe. We know how to inspire a person who may be weaker than us at a particular moment; we will find a way. We know how to listen. And we know how to break ourselves if THEY need it!

And from my point of view, as a small teacher now, I do not know what THEY will test. And I will test you for it. If after all that was said today, after all that was said at the LF retreat, which many have already forgotten... We have no special intellect, what can we do? We do not have the quantity of willpower required. But there is a great love that can provide everything else. A big heart. Great kindness. A great opportunity. If in this we go on as before, then take into account, this link in the chain will cease to be a link! And specifically after 2000, if not earlier. If I see that it really destroys everyone else. So a huge request. May goodness, depth, subtlety, dream, love, the meaning of our whole life for which we were born, prevail over all our human foolishnesses, doubts, crises, idiocies that at the moment can interfere. The inability to make an effort in this says a lot!

Moving forward, we must help and support each other, support the idea as best we can. Generate — even if stupid, idiotic — and support sincerely. We can do it; what else to do? There is nothing so terrible that can kill a person through kindness, understanding, patience. And so among the things in which this impulse must manifest, I will speak about the temple.

The first honor of knights: Judge not, that you be not judged. We will be judged in 2000, so let us dream together about what needs to be pierced through, what concrete traces will be used to judge this impulse of ours.

First — the temple. It must be finished by December 21, 1999. If we do not complete it, it means that some of the points I spoke about today have failed. And the temple is a perfect opportunity for these points to manifest. I hoped. The problem now is that deadlines have been missed, as usual. We still live by old habits. And in reality, despite the impulse having been given ten thousand times before the summer at meetings, I begged you, guys, priority — the temple — without explaining this. Now we know. And if we build it as we have built so far, we will have another year of work. The task now is to perform miracles, thanks to new approaches, to the impulse, etc. In all that which tormented us before and caused us to miss deadlines again. Finish it by December 21. Reflect the full force we pour out in all other places. The problem is real especially in the temple. Although I thought it would be sacred and would not reflect such problems, the first problem has definitely manifested.

[...] And on the other hand, by your endeavor and effort to bring about what now seems only a model so that it becomes real. Our task through these trials, in two months, is to pass a miniature school of apprenticeship. In order to deserve, for it to be on a larger scale, to contribute. Moreover, 2000 is an exam moment when formal titles no longer count. Either we are the LF, with all our virtues and shortcomings, or we are not, each of us individually. I hope that collectively we are the LF. Trials should demonstrate that.

So, in what form will this happen? Once a week, except for some Saturdays when we will be involved in first‑cycle interviews and Delia’s visit. Once a week on Saturdays at 11:00 the LF meets. To spend an hour and a half with me working on the specific steps that concern us. And at this meeting, through the form we will explain, to receive an assignment. In the temple, primarily, or in parallel priority locations connected with the school’s needs, where the theoretical aspects of the steps will be manifested in practice. That is, from my point of view, the places where we will test and check each of you. Which specific points will be indicated to you during the meeting. Which specific tasks will be assigned. By what criteria I will evaluate results — allow me not to share those before 2000. Later perhaps, or perhaps not, depending on how it goes. Until the next LF meeting this week will be the test for the step we discussed. At the next LF meeting we receive a new step and new tests. And so until December 21, the moment the temple must be opened.

Since it is very important to me that the results, the elementary outcomes of these tests are known not only to me and not only to the chief of the logos or the corresponding manipula, and since it is very important that, as when we work with candidates, the elementary outcomes of the tests are known to you, a peculiar form of weekly debrief is introduced. Each manipula will keep, for the duration of the trials — as we jokingly called it, inspired by "Pilgrim" — a ship’s logbook: a notebook in which, at the end of the week before the meeting, the manipula will summarize the moments and tasks completed. More specific formats later, now only the key points. From 11:00 to 11:30 on Saturday the manipula will assemble promptly, in 30 minutes discuss the results of the past week from the standpoint of the tests. During the discussion key moments will be recorded, and at the end of the meeting the manipula chief will write down the results. Is the principle clear? So that Saturday will be the impulse, the start of the tests for the step, which will continue throughout the week.